October 21, 2017

Will the Alien Super Highway Kill Us in 2012?

A stylized image of a man being "beamed u...

Will aliens destroy the planet in 2012 instead of beaming us up? Image via Wikipedia

Happy weekend, dark passengers. Tonight we continue our 100-part series on what could happen when the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. Seriously, how far could we possibly get in the series before we consider an alien annihilation?

Actually, it’s sad we’ve gotten this far without bringing it up…

Now before everyone starts claiming I’m prejudiced against aliens or whatever and trying to pin the apocalypse on them, that’s not it. In fact, in this doomsday scenario, our otherworldly neighbors don’t even know we’re here. They don’t want to cause the end of the world; they’re just building a highway.

Umm…Why Do Aliens Need a Highway?

Great question. I mean, flying saucers should make our daily gridlock unnecessary. Let’s face it, if aliens are still slaves to the payment like we are in 2012, their civilization can’t be all that advanced, can it?

So, the answer, of course, is that it’s not really a highway, but the way they conquer that pesky problem of traveling at the speed of light.

Okay, seriously, (Or as seriously as I can be on the subject of a 2012 doomsday) I was watching a documentary about the theoretical possibility of time travel once we master traveling at the speed of light. I was ready to buy my ticket back to the Roarin’ 20s, but I’m told it’s not quite that simple. Apparently, the ever increasing amount of fuel we need as we approach the speed of light would be almost impossible to carry on a spaceship.

And humans would probably die from the sudden acceleration levels, but I digress.

The Aliens…?

Right. You see, physicists were pondering how we could travel that fast short of jumping in a black hole and hoping all our important bits get put back together on the other side. One theory was using a series of accelerators to increase the speed and slow it down. Well, I thought they looked like an open MRI machine or a giant donut, but the animation was supposed to be accelerators.

Anyway. The theory goes that you’d hop in your spacecraft, fly to the nearest metal donut and get propelled through space and time from donut to donut until you reached your destination and exited the “highway.” If you’ve ever been on a moving sidewalk at the airport, you get the gist of what they were talking about…minus the circles and crazy high speeds.

I’m still not clear how you were actually supposed to stop yourself from pinging around the universe, but several of the scientists agreed that this was one of the most feasible methods of light speed and, thus, time travel. (And I believe them 100% because I’m too stupid at science to know better.) Sadly, they didn’t think we had the technology to build this. Guess the aliens will have to take care of that for us.

Like Elvis…

Which Brings Us to Our Accidental Alien Apocalypse in 2012

You know how when a highway’s being built, no one really gives a crap about the little house that’s sitting where the on-ramp goes? It’s all about progress. Either the owners get forced out or they build the ramp next to their house. Either way, the people end up losing their home to the new highway.

For the peeps not from Texas…You do not want to live right next to a highway, especially with any sort of slope. When it rains or ices, everyone forgets how to drive and it’s the countdown to when some drunk moron on their cell phone is going to slam into your living room at 90 miles an hour…

I image the alien construction process is similar. If they don’t accidentally dump their construction materials on us (like meteors, but cooler), they’ll force the sun to go super nova to harness it’s energy to power the metal donut. Seems harsh, I know, but the alternative isn’t much better.

Let’s say we get to be the little house by the highway. Do you really want to be around when drunk aliens texting their BFF slam into the planet? I’m thinking Deep Impact meets Armageddon meets The Day After Tomorrow. (I could throw 2012 in there, but I heard it sucked.)

But here’s the thing, y’all. This is one doomsday scenario we can stop. (Because it’s stupid?) If we know the Alien Super Highway Donuts are scheduled to get here on December 21, 2012 – and they HAVE to be because that’s the only day the world can end – we can alert the construction crews to our planet’s presence. Attaching massive Detour signs to all our satellites has some appeal, but there’s no way to know if the arrow will be pointing toward Earth or away from it.

Instead, let’s combat it like we do drunk drivers on the DFW tollways. We’ll float ginormous red signs with red blinking lights in the corners that say, “Wrong Way.” Red’s the universal color of get the hell away from my planet, right?

Since we expect ghosts to speak English, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect intelligent beings from other galaxies to be fluent as well.

Crisis averted, dark passengers. Except…there’s a really obvious problem with this scenario. If the Alien Super Highway doesn’t end the world in 2012, it doesn’t mean this was an insane theory from the lunatic fringe. (Yeah, it does.) It might just mean that even highly advanced races haven’t figured out how to get their highways built on schedule.

Probability this is how the world will end on December 21, 2012? Lower than the odds of me appearing in a Lady Gaga music video next month. I’d say the world can breathe easy on this one.

Or can it?

Let’s Play a 2012 Doomsday Game!

You tell me, dark passengers. I know you think this theory is insane, but is it the most insane 2012 doomsday scenario you’ve ever heard?

New game: I’ll still report the actual, “legitimate” end of the world stuff, but I’ll keep throwing in random morsels of nuttiness until y’all tell me it’s the craziest thing you’ve ever heard. And if you can top it with a scenario of your own, I’ll look for a way to top your topping of me. And if I can’t, I’ll expand your comment into a full post on the subject, complete with shout out love to anyone who’s crazier more creative than me. Deal?

Jen

‘Let your dark passenger come out to play before 2012…Be your own nemesis!”

© 2010, Jen Whitten. All rights reserved. Remember, using content from this site without prior written permission will either land you on Dexter’s table or set off the zombie apocalypse. DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.

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About Jen Whitten

Jen Whitten is a paranormal researcher and writer, specializing in psychic development, Empaths, modern day vampirism and dealing with entities. She regularly discusses the paranormal realm, as well as the dark inner workings of the mind.

Comments

  1. Shakespeare says:

    I think on the 21st I’ll just put a purple triangle on my shirt to let them know to get me. Then I can go up into outer space with them.

    Of course, everyone down here will assume I’ve lost my mind and committed suicide, but only I will know the truth.

    Fantastic tone. Really well written post! I laughed several times over.
    .-= Shakespeare´s last blog ..The Calm at the End =-.

  2. Cynedra says:

    haha, this is less nutty than some of my families political ideas so who knows. Just to be safe I have my towel and plan to overindulge in beer and peanuts.