May 22, 2019

Get Rid of that Not-So Special Someone on Valentine's Day

Before anyone gets the wrong idea from the title, we’re talking break-up getting rid of – not murder! Now that we have that cleared up, let’s get to it.

This is Star7. Jen didn’t learn her lesson from last time so I’m back again this time to offer you ways to get rid of that not-so special someone. What better way to do that than on Valentines Day? I don’t know about you, but I have plenty of not so great memories of the holiday.

Here is a list of things you can say to the thorn in your side so they are no longer:

  • I have a stash of paperclip-rubberband-hellfire weapons. You’re the target!
  • The voices in my head just don’t approve of you anymore. Only one of them thinks you’re ok
  • I’ve consulted my talking mouse and he doesn’t think you’re “Mister Right”
  • My evil twin really needs all of my attention right now
  • I’d like to see if you can dig your way out of being buried alive
  • You have two choices for dinner: mud or rat tails
  • I have trained assassin animals and I’m not afraid to use them
  • I doubt your family will ever find out about my handful of sex tapes that are out there
  • I make good money off my sex tapes
  • I only date serial killers for research
  • If I needed help hiding a body, you’d be up to it right?
  • It’s really fun sleeping with all your friends!
  • If you really loved me, you’d let me tie you up in my basement with no food or water. (I don’t think they’ll stick around to play that game)

If you don’t like any of these here are some actions you can take that may finally give you the solitude you desire:

  • Shave your head. (now if you’re a guy this probably won’t send a chick running unless she’s obsessed with your current hair style)
  • Get someone else’s name tattooed on you. Preferably their best friend’s. A temporary one, of course
  • Listen to their least favorite songs when they’re around. Call them and blast them in the phone. Stalk them in the shower and sing them
  • Paint their car pink (I’m not sure too many women would want a pink car)
  • Get a few “I’m not with stupid anymore” t-shirts, write their name on it, and wear them till they get the hint! (I’d hope that would only be one time)
  • Remember, nothing says I hate you like 13 dead roses!

There you have it, Dark Passengers. I hope these suggestions help. Let us know if you use any of these. You can also share your thoughts on Valentines Day or your not so conventional break up tactics.

Until next time Dark Passengers this has been Star7 saying F-U to Valentines Day!

***Editor’s Note from Jen: No trained assassin animals were hurt with paperclip-rubberband-hellfire weapons during the making of this post…

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